My Own Worst Enemy (2008)

A short-lived series starring Christian Slater as a man who's living a double life. The hook is that his two lives are very separate, and only one of them is even aware that the other exists. Well, until something goes wrong! Ho ho... hum.

Thereafter Mr Slater's life becomes a painfully contrived juggling act of dedicated family man with trite wife and two kids on one comfortable side, while super-spy for a shady covert US government agency sits dangerously on the other - a role that sees him jet-setting unrealistically all over the damn world for clandestine assassination and retrieval missions, etc.

To be fair, it's not the worst scenario that TV has asked us to swallow in the past decade (I'm thankful that it at least had no superheroes or zombies), but nor is it a particularity appealing one. I only bought it because it qualified me for free P+P on an item that I did want, making my purchase cheaper than P+P would've been.

The writers seem to know that it lacks spark, so spend the first four or five episodes trying to outdo the previous one by applying ever more twists and turns atop a framework that's falling apart quicker than I can face-palm myself, thereby burying anything remotely relatable for the common man to get a hold of.

There's nothing wrong with wild escapism, I enjoy it myself, but just as a rose by any other name would smell as sweet, so too would a shitty mess smell as pungent regardless of the genre in which it finds itself. My Own Worst Enemy is not the aromatic rose in that scenario.

I'd lost interest by episode three. I didn't care about anyone. I was tired of his wife (Mädchen Amick) adding nothing interesting to the plot; bored with the spy antics; annoyed by the awful camerawork and editing; dismayed that I'd picked up yet another US show that didn't understand the concept of less is more. I gave it the full benefit of the doubt by going to the show's end, but it did nothing to change the feeling that I'd not spent my time productively.

9 Episodes, approx 40 minutes each.

2 living adjustments out of 5

The Magnificent Seven: Complete Series (1998–2000)

It doesn't take place before or after the existing films. It's its own thing in terms of both tone and continuity. And the men are all new, with the possible exception being Chris Larabee (Michael Biehn), clearly a small screen version of Chris Adams, the leader of the seven as first portrayed by Yul Brynner in the films; although the TV version of Chris is rightfully his own man, too, not a carbon copy of movie Chris.

With it being an ongoing series it made sense to localise the group, to give them a single town from which to operate, with the added benefit that it would provide a place that we as viewers can also form an attachment to. Although not always operating within the parameters of established law, the Seven nevertheless become the town's unofficial protectors. The unique skills that each man has is put to good use for its betterment; e.g. one is a healer, one an ex-preacher, etc.

Most of the time they get on well with each other, but because they have such different temperaments and goals in life there are occasional internal conflicts. It's a credit to the writers that the men all remain likeable even when they're clearly doing something morally wrong (mostly that means Ezra Standish). In truth, there wasn't a single one of them that earned permanent derision, perhaps because collectively they represent feelings or failings that most of us will have experienced or struggled with at some point in our life - they're relatable.

A number of recurring secondary characters play an important role, often as a voice of conscience or a lure of the heart, deepening and/or complicating the determination to defend and preserve the town. Yes, that sometimes means romance, but it's not always as straightforward as that statement might imply.

Season Two introduces Robert Vaughn as a Judge; Vaughn was one of the actors in the first Magnificent Seven (1960) film, but he played a different character.

Ironically, every once in a while the only reason the townspeople were placed in danger was because the bad guy(s) had gone there in order to confront or kill the Seven! But that's just life, right? Even good deeds have consequences.

22 episodes, approx 60 mins each (the Pilot is 90 mins).

4 holes in the clouds out of 5

Titus Season 3 (2001)

Horrible, heinous, brutal stuff happens to everyone. So if something tragic happens in your life, go ahead, take some time and grieve. *DING* Time's up! Movin' on.

Christopher Titus is working on regaining his reputation and getting his finances in order for his failing hot rod business. That is the overarching plot, but it is actually largely unimportant and mostly forgotten later in the season. The show continued with its dark subject matter, moving on to episodes focused on child abuse, murder, severe mental illness and hate crimes against LGBT. The latter actually won the show a GLAAD award since even though the characters were crass about it, it still put forth that gays deserve equal rights. Pretty radical stuff for 2001 TV. The latter half of the season is probably the best, both in laughs and subject matter as the severe mental illness of Titus' mother affects almost everything in the show. The black comedy was in fine form with hilarity mixed with a sincerity that comes from Titus having actually gone through real life situations that inspired the show.

The show was hitting a stride despite the networks' continued objections to the crude content that caused a few episodes to air out of order and mixed with a plot about a disturbance on a plane in THAT year caused a delayed airing that further threw the schedule out of whack and a meeting with executives that Christopher has talked about several times caused the show to be cancelled. As Titus puts it, "Call your boss an idiot enough times and they will fire you." The silver lining is the show went out before it became too formulaic like other shows that also have heavy use of cutaway jokes and flashbacks, but the theatrical play filming was still fairly unique. Like the other seasons, it can feel a little dated now, but still worth the time to watch.

Buyer's Guide:
Only available on out of print DVD box sets that at least have some decent extras.

4 taking out 4 armed guards with a pair of tweezers out of 5

Legit (2014)

Jimmy's on a bad luck run, yo.

Season 2 picks up mostly where season 1 left off. Jim has lost his girlfriend Peggy, fired from a lucrative acting gig after making the lead actress uncomfortable with a rape joke and then is possibly diagnosed with a sex addiction by Dr. Drew after he drops his phone in the toilet while using it to masturbate in the shower. Steve is spiraling out of control as well with a growing alcohol addiction and frequent drug fueled binges that threaten his already strained relationship with his ex-wife and young daughter. Billy deals with the progression of his muscular dystrophy and while Jim resolves to dig himself out of their ruts, they all have varying degrees of success. Jim tries therapy, charitable shows for the disabled and veterans, and reconnecting with old flames, but they don't always work out either because of bad luck or just his crass nature. They will also test his resolve and possibly threaten his career.

The season is the same as the first with hilariously black comedic plots often pulled verbatim from Jefferies' stand-up routines, but adds a bit more dark themes that he is also somewhat familiar with like addictions toll on loved ones and depression. The show might seem to lose some of its comedy, but becomes better with the stark mixed with the hilarious. The season was just full of the hilariously raunchy jokes like the thin walls during a happy ending massage or Jim falling for a supposedly perfect woman except for being incredibly racist. It really seemed to hit a stride which is too bad that it was moved to the obscure spin-off channel FXX where no one watched and was cancelled at the end of this season. At least it had some resolution and went out on a high note.

Buyer's Guide:
Available on iTunes and Amazon Instant video.

4 binges ending on the beach in your undies with no recollection out of 5

Batman Beyond: Complete Series (1999-2001)

aka Batman of the Future

The team that created Batman Beyond achieved the near-impossible: they made a show that's the equal of Batman: The Animated Series (1992-95) and they did it without having Bruce Wayne as the lead! Holy Personnel Changes, Batman.

It's set in 2039, forty years after TAS' successor, The New Batman Adventures (1997-97), and continues the continuity set up by both it and TAS. The era of the original crusader has passed. The world has moved on. Gotham has evolved into Neo-Gotham, a towering, high-tech megalopolis wherein the crime and corruption is as rife in the shiny office buildings as it is on the late night docks. Bruce (Kevin Conroy) is still around, possibly because, like one of his contemporaries said, he's too stubborn to die. He is, however, a retired, cranky and cynical recluse that rarely leaves the Manor.

Enter Terry McGinnis (Will Friedle), a seventeen-year-old high school student with a criminal record. Terry has the kind of family upbringing that was denied Bruce, but they have something in common nonetheless: they share a similarly strong moral belief and a desire to see justice carried out. When Terry takes up the mantle he becomes both the symbol that teaches and the student. Bruce, through a two way communication device in the new bat suit, gives advice and support, but it's Terry that takes the weight (and the punches and kicks, etc).

The show references the past in many ways. One of which is the biker gang that terrorises the city and its citizens. They're like a cross between the typical garden variety thug and the Clowns from Akira (1988). They're the painted-faced Jokerz, styled after the original Joker that caused Bruce grief decades before.*

It'll occasionally go further and build an entire episode around something from the past, but never as a means to milk old glories or hide failings. Instead, it's a knowing nod to TAS fans, because BB stands firm on its own two (rocket) feet.

Alongside the criminal of the week it introduces a new roster of regular villains and madmen, some more memorable than others. My personal favourites are the tricky Spellbinder (Jon Cypher), the mysterious Inque (Shannon Kenny), and the clumsy but dangerous anarchist Mad Stan (Henry Rollins).

52 episodes, approx 22 minutes each, split over 3 seasons.

5 critical lifesaving clues out of 5

*There's a feature length entry titled Return of the Joker (2000) that's a must-see for fans of both BB and TAS. If possible seek out the uncut version.

The A-Team: The Complete Series (1983–87)

I was reminded recently that the question, "Why do you watch that crap?" makes me less inclined to validate the reasons for my own choices and instead more aware of the hidden agenda of the person asking it. It's not a genuine inquiry. It's a thinly disguised insult. With that in mind, I feel sorry for anyone who didn't have The A-Team in their front room as a kid. Not having Sergeant First Class 'B.A.' Baracus, Colonel John 'Hannibal' Smith, Lieutenant Templeton 'Face' Peck and Captain 'Howling Mad' Murdock to provide escapism and feed the imagination is like having an integral part of a happy childhood denied you. It's like having never played with LEGO. It's like having never tasted strawberry sherbets in summer.

Being a fan of The A-Team was a privilege; one that was available to every sighted person who owned a working TV, whether it was the rich kid with a silver spoon feeding both ends simultaneously, or the ostracised, abused kid with an alcoholic father whom everyone thought was destined to be the same.

The show taught us that with good friends and a little ingenuity we could stand up to the bullies. (It made me want friends that I could rely on as much as the team relied on each other. I don’t know if I ever had them. I like to think that I had.)

It taught us that money isn't important to happiness, which was the opposite of what most corporate 80s TV programs wanted us to think, and it repeatedly showed that a selfless good deed is its own reward.

It taught us that Hannibal loves it when a plan comes together.

It taught us that villains will always get up afterwards with nothing more serious than dizziness and a bruised ego. But that part was a lie. In so doing, whether intentional or not, that same lie taught us that real life wasn't always like TV.

In the past year I've thought more than a dozen times that whichever post I'm working on at the time is the last one I'm making on this particular site, but I keep coming back. It's now clear to me why: I want to give all the people who get asked "Why do you watch that crap?" an incentive to revisit the reasons why they did watch it and to remember what it was that they gained from doing so. If you love something, scream it from the rooftops.

(What you're reading isn't the kind of review I was expecting to write when I sat down. I'd planned some jokes about B.A.'s bad acting, Hannibal's bad disguises, Murdock's tee-shirts, Face's shameless sexism and how in a pinch the team could build a tank from an egg box, but you've heard all those jokes before. This way, when the time comes for me to ride off into the sunset, I'll be entirely satisfied.)

98 episodes (5 Seasons), approx 47 minutes each, split over 27 discs.

5 wheel cams out of 5

Tabitha: Complete Series (1976–78)

It was sad to see Bewitched (1964-72) end but it had a heck of a good run and it struggled in the final season to keep the format interesting. A series that focussed on a grown up Tabitha Stephens seemed like the next natural choice.

There were two pilots; neither of which stray too far from the established format. The first was set in San Francisco and acknowledged the changing times, specifically the role of women who were no longer unfairly depicted as dutiful housewives. It had Tabitha (played by Liberty Williams) working as an editorial assistant (secretary). She’s joined by her brother Adam (David Ankrum), a Warlock who relies on his powers frequently. The comedy is targeted toward a slightly younger adult demographic than Bewitched had been.

It was unfairly scrapped and a second, inferior pilot commissioned. Liberty Williams was replaced by Lisa Hartman. The drama was moved to Los Angeles and Tabataha became a Production Assistant at a Television studio. She follows in Samantha’s footsteps by choosing to live among mortals as one of them.
In a complete reversal, her brother Adam, who is inexplicably older than his sister despite having been born second, struggles to get her to refrain from using her twitchy-witchy powers. He essentially becomes Darrin, expect he’s not married to his witch because that would be weird.

Samantha’s flamboyant Aunt Minerva (Karen Morrow) is a regular. Her character is a desperate attempt to compensate for the lack of Endora, but you can’t replace Agnes Moorehead no matter how much you may want or need to.

I don’t think it’s the travesty that many people claim, but the magic is absent - I mean the character type, not the witch type. It was beholden to something much better than it could ever hope to be, so from day one it was caught between a rock and a hard place; i.e. Bewitched and a Bewitched fan’s expectations.

13 episodes (inc. pilots), approximately 24 minutes each.

2 family secrets out of 5

The Unusuals (2009)

Be on the lookout for a male wearing a hot dog costume, last seen running west on Halston Street. Suspect may or may not be wielding a samurai sword.

Casey Schraeger is young detective working in the Vice department of the NYPD when she is suddenly transferred to homicide to replace a cop who was just murdered. That is all on the surface, but she is also tasked by her new sergeant to secretly uncover any secrets and improprieties of not only the murdered cop, but also his former partner/her new partner, Jason Walsh as well as the other detectives in the department. Detective Banks is so paranoid that he will die that he sleeps in his bulletproof vest, has foam padding around the edge of his desk, and replaced all his furniture with inflate-able chairs. Detective Delahoy has recently found out he has a brain tumor, but hasn't told anyone and refused treatment out of fear of what the treatment might do to him which ironically has made him somewhat more fearless in contrast with his partner, Banks. There is also Detective Cole who is a hardcore Christian whose faith is unwavering and his partner Detective Beaumont who is a tough, no nonsense Hispanic woman.

They will all work to solve cases that are rather unusual with the gritty atmosphere mashing with comedic insanity. Like the murder of a naked man running down the street, or the disappearance of a nursing home patient despite him being declared dead. What seems like another police procedural is actually a black comedy that is focused less on the procedure and more on the characters who are all interesting and nuanced and only become more so as viewers get to know them and as Casey learns more about their secrets. The shows premise is a good one even if the whole secrets shtick is finished about halfway through the 10 episode run. The conclusion of that particular plotline would have made a decent finale other than the episode that became the finale because of cancellation. It was a fine episode, just not a spectacle like most finales are, but the episodes after that are still good, one of them being my personal favorite. Great characters, full of wit and some decent action. I only torture myself wishing it would come back for more than 10 episodes when I know it won't.

Buyer's Guide:
Available on a 2 disc DVD set, the dvd mail part of Netflix, Amazon Instant Video, and for free on digital streaming service Crackle.

4½ Unusual interrogations of cat murderers out of 5

Tremors: The Series (2003)

The short-lived series takes place after the events of Tremors 3: Back to Perfection (2001), so it’s advisable to watch T3 first. I'm going to proceed under the assumption that you already have. If not, then any spoilers you encounter for the first three films from this point onward aren't my fault.

Were back in Perfection Valley, Nevada, home of gun-loving Burt Gummer (Michael Gross) and his very own Moby Dick, the state protected Graboid known as El Blanco. The small community refuse to move, and the indigenous El Blanco is unable to move because of the mountainous regions on either side, so a co-existence is the only answer. Luckily, for us viewers but not for the residents, Perfection Valley has other secrets under its sands, so there’s more than just El Blanco to keep the watchful eye of Burt twitching.

A new guy, Tyler Reed, rolls into town eager to stretch his liability insurance to breaking point by earning a living in the place that does for giant worms what Roswell does for little grey men. Tyler is the everyman, there to balance out Burt’s paranoia with occasional bouts of rationality. A few other returning movie characters cameo from time to time. And what’s even better in my book is that Christopher Lloyd drops in once or twice! A crazy doc makes every show better.

It’s been squeezed to fit the small screen but it’s unmistakably Tremors. The creature of the week scenario is a little overused but it's often a catalyst for the community to come together and for the characters to bond. They’re strongest when standing side by side and sharing a common goal. If that goal turns a profit then it's all the better, because dangerous living costs money.

13 episodes, approximately 43 minutes each.

Six of the episodes are part of an ongoing story arc involving a shady organisation that had been dabbling in things they ought not to have been dabbling in. Burt (not good with people) is tested more than he ever thought possible by the new developments. Sadly, the series was cancelled, so we never got to find out what would've happened when _____ went to _____ and opened _____. Oh, my!

3 twitchometers out of 5

Titus Seasons 1 & 2 (2000-2001)

"The Los Angeles Times states "63% of American families are now considered dysfunctional." That means we're the majority. We're normal. It's the people that had the mom, dad, brother, sister, little white picket fence, those people are the freaks."

Christopher Titus comes from a family that would be considered "dysfunctional". The half hour episodes would open with Titus in a black and white room talking directly to the audience and often relay some quote or story that is thematically part of the plot of the episode which are pulled almost verbatim from his one man comedy show Normal Rockwell Is Bleeding which was itself based on his real life. He grew up with his father who was a hard drinking, smoking, womanizing, 5-time divorcee who perpetually berates and belittles Titus and his idiot, stoner brother Dave in what he sees as a tough love approach to parenting. His mother was a violent, alcoholic, manic-depressive schizophrenic who was in and out of mental hospitals. As an adult he now runs his own hot-rod body shop with his brother and his best friend Tommy who is anxious and effeminate, which means he is constantly the butt of gay jokes despite being heterosexual. Titus is often only managing this craziness with the help of his girlfriend, Erin, who also comes from a dysfunctional family of alcoholic thieves and drug dealers, but has managed to grow into a somewhat normal person. The episodes would then end in the black and white "neutral space" where Titus would reiterate what he said before but now with the meaning skewed and turned on its side.

The show would often take on subject matter that other shows would fear to tread except in a special episode with a viewer discretion disclaimer. Titus would revel in it and crack fun at them while still treating the subject matter with respect whether it was sexual harassment, substance abuse, murder, suicide, etc. This puts the show squarely in the section of black comedy and it was actually part of the show's downfall. The battle with censors and the network over content was constant with Titus relaying one story about how he had to read the script for an episode page by page to an executive on the phone to convince him how it could be funny that they have to convince his father to resume drinking rather than quit because sobriety made him boring and listless. The shows were also different in shooting style as it was shot in real time in front of a studio audience on a set like a play usually in just one location. The laugh track is actually the audience members. Flashbacks and the neutral space interruptions were also played for the audience so it was seen almost exactly as it would be on air. Episodes were mostly self-contained with no overarching story with only a few bits of continuity which was only really thrown out of whack when the network would push episodes out of order for fear of its controversial plot. With its mostly untread material on network TV, its sharp and witty comedic timing and very non politically correct characters, there was nothing quite like it at the time. While it may feel a little dated now, the show still holds up on repeat viewings.

Buyer's Guide:
The DVD sets are now out of print and only available second hand which is a shame as this would be perfect for binge viewing on Netflix or other streaming service. There is a decent amount of bonus content on the discs if one does manage to grab a set.

4½ Don't be a wussy out of 5

American Gothic (1995–96)

Welcome to Trinity, South Carolina, home to ten-year-old Caleb Temple (Lucas Black) and his sixteen-year-old sister Merlyn (Sarah Paulson). The home life of the Temple children is far from happy, meaning Caleb's had to grow up fast. He may be only ten but he's a lot savvier than most kids his age, which is a good thing because his future is murky. Events will force him to take a path that can lead to either of two destinations, and that's only if he can fight the conflict that rages within him. His older sister will try to protect him, but she's got problems of her own; you could say she's got the worst problem anyone can possibly have...

One other person has a hand in Caleb's fate: Sheriff Lucas Buck (Gary Cole). Lucas is friend to everyone and no one. He'll give you what you want but there'll be a price to pay further down the line. He uses his position as law enforcer to manipulate and coerce the townsfolk; sometimes with and sometimes without their knowledge. What's even more sinister is that Lucas knows things no ordinary person could possibly know, and most of his desires don't stay unfulfilled for long. He's like a Stephen King character.

Alongside the children and Lucas are a moderate sized cast of regulars whose life is affected in some way by knowing one or all three of them. There's the good doctor, the slutty school teacher, the reporter from out of town, and Lucas' deputy, Ben Healy. Ben is a nice guy, but he's Lucas' subordinate, and while he has free will he lacks the courage needed to do the right thing.

The show suffers from a number of continuity errors that hit like potholes in the road; they don't cause it to go off course but they do make the journey a little less enjoyable, albeit only a little. The tug of war between the three main protagonists is always there, keeping everything else relevant.

NOTE: Both the R1 and R2 DVD releases commit one of the worst crimes imaginable when dealing with a story arc: they present episodes in the wrong order. There's some debate over what the correct order is, but most people agree that the list you can find on Wikipedia works. There are a lot of spoilers on the Wiki page, so I've reproduced the relevant info HERE to save you having to venture there.

22 episodes, approx 44 minutes each.

4 judgements out of 5

He-Man and the Masters of the Universe: The Complete Series (2002)

Wisely taking into account how badly The New Adventures of He-Man (1990) was received, Mattel tried a second MOTU reboot in 2002 with designs that were less of a departure from the original 1983-85 series. Characters and locations were updated but remained instantly recognisable.  The opening title sequence sets the tone perfectly; it references the old series and then cleverly and effortlessly lets you know in no uncertain terms that this one is new.

The rebuilding of the franchise is mirrored in the gradual rebuilding of King Randor’s Kingdom. The threat of Skeletor necessitates that it be fortified and that loyal subjects are recruited to defend it, meaning the core team members return.

Man-At-Arms is his usual dependable self, with a bad-ass 'tache that will surely go down in legend. Teela is more combative but still resolutely feminine. Orko is less irritating, and is occasionally kind of useful. Stratos gets more to do, all the while sounding like the lovechild of Sean Connery and Brian Blessed. The remainder of the team each have a unique talent that the writers play around with to make their inclusion worthwhile, but special mention goes to the Sorceress who is beautifully characterised by her strength and compassion.

He-Man’s musculature is slightly less bloated; he’s not as much of a top-heavy freak as he was before. Aesthetically he’s fine, but there's one major problem with the character: Cam Clarke’s voice work. He does okay as He-Man, but as Adam he makes no effort whatsoever. I'm seeing the young Prince but I'm hearing Leonardo the Ninja Turtle. It’s the only weak aspect of the show.

Skeletor was always the best thing, so I'm happy to report that despite lacking his trademark 'Nyyaaahh' he’s even more awesome and a lot more menacing than his 1980's counterpart. He no longer flees at the first flex of He-Man’s chest; he’ll stand and fight instead. His frustrations are worked out by punishing his minions, which provides some comedy without compromising his new status.
Not having Evil-Lyn at his side would feel wrong, so she’s included. She essentially serves the same purpose as before, but is a little more Maleficent with a pinch of Lady Macbeth (she even casts spells in rhyme).

Combat is exciting, with an anime-style visual flair that settles down over time but never falls away completely. There’s some attempt to add depth to the animation through shadows that doesn't always work but deserves praise for being tried.

Season 1 is really great, but Season 2 raises the bar even higher by adding an additional threat that would've been more prominent in Season 3 had it not been cancelled because of floundering toy sales. Curse you, Matty. I want more!

39 episodes (26 in S1 + 13 in S2) split over 4 discs.

4½ morals at the end out of 5

Copper (2013)

If you want the gloves to come off... so be it.

The gloves certainly do come off for season 2 of BBC America's period drama, but it is mostly to the show's detriment. The plot becomes cluttered and haphazard with too many plotlines and characters coming and going that nothing is ever finished. The first episode sets up one character as a terrorizing and fearless villain that could easily have been an interesting arc for Detective Corcoran to go against, but is then dropped by the end of the episode. This could have been a clever bait and switch, but clearly isn't as it happens about 3 more times over the course of the season like the writers got bored or distracted by something shiny and switch to something else at the drop of a hat with all the indecisiveness of a housecat deciding whether it wants to go outside or not. Interesting events that are part of the time period like disease outbreaks and opium addiction are set up as major defining moments and then discarded with no resolution and minimal effect on the main story arc. What resolution there is from season 1 is written off in a rather implausible way just to seemingly get back to the status quo of season 1 like the show-runners finally pulled themselves out of their cocaine and/or alcohol binge haze to notice the colossal mess they were making and tried to clean it up in the worst way.

When the show does get back to what it does best (vicious period drama crimes and character dialogue) there are glimmers of the entertaining show it once was, but it mostly tries to fill the void with extended gore and basic cable nudity. The plots set up aren't even bad per se, just muddled because they were all shoved together into a gelatinous mass instead of spreading it out and letting what worked play through to some sort of closure. All of it is then dropped at the end of the season for an unnecessary and shoehorned bit involving Lincoln's assassination that is cheesy and should really have had nothing to do with the rest of the show. The show comes back to end on a regular cliffhanger, but then it was cancelled making it one more unresolved moment to add to the pile. Donal Logue puts in a decent turn as a sleazy politician, even though despite his actual Irish heritage he seemed out of place at times and Alfre Woodard makes a brief cameo of sorts as a freed slave that was palatable, but could have been better. Though it was one of the few plot threads that actually had a full arc, so that's something. Overall nothing other than the set and wardrobe designers were really on point and what character drama there is to enjoy is not up to snuff for the bar the show set for itself in its first season.

Buyer's Guide:
Available on iTunes and Amazon Instant Video with a forthcoming DVD release.

2 Sympathetic anti heroes that aren't sympathetic out of 5

Mortal Kombat: Defenders of the Realm (1996)

Animated MK nonsense that did almost everything wrong from the get-go. The animation is awful but I suspect the budget was too, so it'd be wrong to expect something as sophisticated as what Marvel or DC put out. I’m willing to overlook that aspect of it, but there are plenty of other problems to focus on.

Being aimed at kids meant it was bloodless, but it was also soulless and guilty of flat, emotionless dialogue. Kids want to be Batman or a Ninja Turtle, not these clowns. If I ever meet a kid that wants to be Liu Kang, I’ll slap the parents.

The show had some familiar voice talent, such as the always reliable Olivia d'Abo, the bad-ass Ron Perlman and good old Clancy Brown (who’s in every cartoon ever), but the characters they had to voice and the stories they were squeezed into were scraped from the bottom of a very old barrel.

The combatants had a super-secret high-tech base from which they monitored 'dimensional rifts.'  The rifts appeared all over Earthrealm and enabled the bad guys to come through from Outworld (and various other places); they’d then cause havoc and upset the happy equilibrium. If the rift happened to be on the other side of the world, then the team jumped in their super-fast high-tech Dragon Jets (that can even go underwater) and traversed the globe in seconds. Then, destination reached, every episode they’d fight a horde of similar looking villains/creatures/brain-dead henchmen and win. If there was a moral lesson to be learned at the end of it… well, you’d be lucky to get that kind of depth.

The worst aspect, the thing that made me physically wince with pain, was the awful, unending techno music. It accompanied every battle and even sometimes the journey to and from the super-secret high-tech base. Any time a quick fix was needed to fill the emptiness of the story they’d blast the music. Bastards!

It managed 13 episodes before getting the chop, which, frankly, was an achievement in itself. Only 2 of those 13 episodes were passable.

1 pair of bleeding ears out of 5

Blade: The Series (2006)

Blade's feature-length pilot was written by David S. Goyer and Geoff Johns. Goyer was the man responsible/to blame for writing all three of the films, so it made sense to have him script the series beginnings, too. He set it sometime after the events of the shitfest that was Blade: Trinity (2004). Johns is a veteran comic book writer who’d worked on Smallville, so he was no stranger to the crossing of mediums. What they delivered was a smouldering turd, using the same tired clichés we've seen countless times before. But if you watch the pilot and then stop you’ll get the wrong impression of the series as a whole. There’s one other really shitty episode, but the remainder of the series is very different. Sometime around episode three or four things get good, and when events grow more complicated for the characters things get really good.

The biggest problem is Blade himself. Kirk Jones casts an effective silhouette but falls flat when he tries to be menacing. Worse still, he has problems enunciating. I had to pull up subtitles frequently on every episode just to hear what the hell he was mumbling. I'm a fan of foreign cinema, so subtitles don’t faze me, but they really shouldn't have been necessary.

The other characters are better. Blade’s tech-savvy accomplice Shen fills the Whistler role admirably and is occasionally the voice of Blade's conscience.

The vampires have concerns other than the Daywalker. Internal division between the 12 Houses, bitter rivalries and cold ambitions keep them from uniting.

A third factor (a woman) stops things being simply Blade vs Vamps repeatedly; it adds a level of danger and subterfuge that teeters on a very shaky line.

I thoroughly enjoyed the short run the series had, more so than any of the films, and am sad that it was cancelled after just one season. Geoff Johns has been quoted as saying that the reason for it ending was due to rising production costs for the small Spike TV network, not because of viewing figures.

13 fully uncut episodes, approx 40-45 minutes each.

3½ fake tattoos out of 5

Mortal Kombat: Conquest (1998)

I've always believed it ridiculous that in almost all TV shows aimed at a young adult demographic (Buffy and Angel are the worst offenders) everyone knows kung fu or some other kind of mixed martial arts, no matter their background. With MK: Conquest, however, there's a reason so many citizens know kung fu: it's key to their survival. Villagers that haven't learned how to defend themselves aren't going to be safe for long. They may as well carry around a sign saying 'easy prey!'

(Alternatively, if they can't fight but are important to the plot, they get temporally saved by the chivalrous heroes... and then usually end up dead anyhow.)

The show is set "...centuries ago, in a time of darkness and fury," which translates to an undefined pre-industrial era, in a place called Zhuzin. It's a market town surrounded by forests and convenient tombs. Despite being in the dark ages, hair gel, cosmetic surgery, and support bras seem to be widely available.

There are three main protagonists. Most importantly is Kung Lao (Paolo Montalbán), a monk who owns only one pair of trousers. It's he that fights in the MK tournament as the defender of Earthrealm.

Fighting alongside Kung Lao (but not in the tournament) is the hot-headed man-slut Siro (Daniel Bernhardt). Siro also owns only one pair of trousers, but he has two different shirts. The ladies like that kind of thing.

And finally, the female of the group, the ex-thief, Taja (Kristanna Loken). She's an anomaly in the MK:C universe. The show is filled with the kind of plastic female the media tells us we want, the kind with provocative clothing, shallow personality, fake tits, etc, but Taja is the opposite. She dresses sensibly most of the time, has an athletic physique, and can count to ten without using her fingers.

Together the three friends defend Earthrealm from the forces of Outworld that wish to conquer it for various underdeveloped and cloudy reasons.

Overseeing the trio like a part-time father is the Thunder God Raiden (Jeffrey Meek). He gives advice but is forbidden from taking direct action.

Expect at least two fights per episode, accompanied by bad music. The combat is completely unrealistic but at the same time it's some of the most impressive I've ever seen outside of a Chinese TV show. Some of the people prancing about and doing unnecessary back flips really know their shit!

22 episodes, approx 44 minutes each. The last 5 or 6 eps are the highlight.

3 impractical face masks out of 5

Millennium: Season Three (2005)

After the mess they made of Season Two, neither Glen Morgan nor James Wong were invited back to contribute to Season Three. Good. Two new guys (Michael Duggan and Chip Johannessen) were given the task of cleaning up the apocalyptic shit-stains. Series creator Chris Carter also made a brief return, contributing by co-writing three episodes and overseeing some parts of the production.

Mostly the format returned to standalone episodes. It mimicked and attempted to recapture the psychological aspect that had made Season One a success. The event that ended the previous year is largely ignored; I've never been so pleased to have such an inconsistency.

Frank gets a new partner who's characterised by her overzealous enthusiasm in early episodes. But as the season progresses she takes on more useful traits, and by the end she becomes an integral part of the proceedings.

The Millennium Group are still sniffing around crime scenes, but the focus is primarily on Frank and his new role, which causes a minor internal conflict within him. His attentions are split unevenly between his daughter and his job. It seems as if the situation will elevate, but it peters out too soon and remains underdeveloped. There was something potentially sinister there that could've been brought to the fore but wasn't; perhaps they were holding that back for future seasons? We’ll never know.

There's another crap Hallowe’en episode, and an Xmas episode, but most of the bad comedy was excised; I'm pretending the episode with KISS didn't happen.

Extras include the Millennium/X-Files crossover. It was a great idea but it's a bad story with a very weak ending. It would've been nice if the writers had used the format to offer some kind of resolution or closure that the series was denied, but they didn't; it's simply an excuse to feature Frank Black in the X-Files.

22 episodes, approx 44 minutes each.

2½ chips off the old block out of 5

Deadwood: Season Three (2006)

Deadwood set the bar as high as it could go with the very first episode of Season One, and kept it close thereafter, right to the very end of this Season, which was to be the last because HBO cancelled it. Of all the TV shows that ever got axed, in all the years that I've been a viewer, I mourn the loss of Deadwood the most. The only thing it did wrong was be too damn clever.

The main story arc is the continued fight for control of town resources, a fight played out both diplomatically and via the business end of a knife. There’s a saying that the enemy of my enemy is my friend, but in Deadwood the enemy of my enemy is another fucking enemy waiting to snatch an advantage, hoping to profit from it either directly or indirectly. Multiple threats mean stakes are higher and casualties more notable. Not everyone makes it out alive. There are some quiet moments near the end, but only because tensions are purposefully buried.

The main cast members are unchanged. Joanie Stubbs (Kim Dickens) finally gets something interesting to do, which left just the character of Alma Garret (Molly Parker) as the only weak leak in an otherwise sturdy chain.

There’s not much of Brad Dourif this season. You get the feeling that he’s always around but he has less screen time.

I have to give special mention to Calamity Jane (Robin Weigert). Of all the women in the series, Jane is the most exceptional, for reasons I won't go into.

Let’s not forget the humour. William Sanderson had me in pains of laughter. His weasel attitude and ability to swing from self-effacing to self-important in the same sentence is pure genius.

Brian Cox joined the cast. He and his troupe seemed a little superfluous, but it’s Brian Cox, so even when he’s doing little of merit he’s still a joy to watch. I'm sure his role would've increased had it been given time to do so; there were definite hints in that direction.

There was the hope that some TV movies would get the green light to wrap up the threads of the story but that didn't happen.

12 episodes, approx 45-55 minutes each.

5 fights on the promenade out of 5

Pushing Daisies (2008)

"What's your plan? To bring him back and ask him where she is?"
 "..."
"That was a joke."
"Heh-heh."

Season 2 kicks off some time after the season 1 cliffhanger. The Pie-Hole waitress Olive is crumbling under the weight of the secrets she now knows, private investigator Emerson Cod continues in his quest for a certain missing person, alive-again Chuck wishes to reconnect with her past and The Pie-maker Ned wishes to stay connected to his can-never-touch sweetheart Chuck even as circumstances force new changes on them. All that digging into their collective pasts though may dredge up things that they didn't expect and may even be dangerous. All while continuing to solve bizarre and outlandish murders by reviving the victims to ask who killed them.

With the extended episode count, the show was going new and interesting places. But then it is quickly and hastily shoved into a mostly unsatisfying conclusion in the end due to cancellation. Having never recovered the lost audience from the writer's strike the previous year, ABC decided to not renew the show despite some mail-in efforts of daisies and pies by fans as well as petitions and the remaining episodes were sporadically burned off. Which is a pity because the aforementioned new stories were looking to be exciting and what is there is still wonderfully entertaining with colorful and fantastic aesthetics, strange and original murder mysteries and snappy banter. There is also a cadre of wonderful guest performances from many well-known actors throughout the episodes that bring great characters and stories to a bittersweet end.

Buyer's Guide:
Available in DVD and Blu Ray box sets and on iTunes, Netflix and Amazon.

4½ Alliterative names and gratuitous cleavage out of 5 

The Cape: The Complete Series (2011)

Honest cop Vince Faraday is framed for a crime he didn't commit, and his good name dragged through the shitter by the media. To more effectively battle the corrupt system that framed him, and to simultaneously clear his name, he enters the underworld and assumes a new identity: Vince Faraday becomes The Cape!

You can probably already tell by that intentionally cheesy synopsis that The Cape is a superhero series that doesn't do anything particularly new or inventive. What it does is give the familiar a new skin, and it does it with tongue-in-cheek while keeping one hand on the accelerator. It has the camp charm of the 1960s Batman TV Series, with the action and scripting of a modern TV show. Its greatest strength is that it revels in its comic book inspirations, and if you embrace that same sense of adventure you'll probably enjoy it a lot more.

Vince is played by David Lyons. I'd not seen him act before. He starts out a little blank, but gets better as the character develops more. He learns to brood.

What really pulled me in was the supporting cast, who are wonderful: Keith David brings the awesome; Summer Glau brings the intelligent and sexy; and Vinnie Jones brings the Vinnie Jones.

On the flip side, the main villain, Chess, lacks any real menace or charisma. He's the typical corporate bad guy with an endless supply of cash to fund his criminal endeavours. Mercifully, he isn't the only antagonist.

The introduction of a criminal collective known as Tarot offered some exciting possibilities for the future, but they never got the chance to flourish because the series was cancelled just when it was starting to get really good.

10 episodes, approx 44 minutes each.

3 times it's okay to stalk your wife if you're legally dead out of 5