Terminator Salvation: The Machinima Series (2009)

The Machinima Series is an animated prequel set two years before the Terminator Salvation (2009) movie. I've no idea if it improves upon or adds additional depth to the movie's back-story because I haven't watched the feature, nor do I think I ever will, so I'm able to judge the series on its own merits, of which there are few.

It's a CGI animation constructed using the game engine of the movie tie-in video game. Already, alarm bells should be ringing in your head.

It's a bold idea but the result is pretty awful. The movement is stiff, limited by the engine's existing parameters. The environments are structured like a game environment, coloured by the seven shades of shit-brown and six shades of concrete-grey that dominate the uninspired action genre.

Its blandness is matched by its obvious padding out of story. There's a story there but it could've been easily told in one 25 minute short. Instead, they stretched it to 6 episodes, approx 12 minutes each.

When the first episode ended there was a fraction of a second when my brain said it was time to pick up the games controller and prepare for some insipid shooty action. I was unconsciously making ready to target exploding barrels for easy kill points. Thankfully. that didn't happen, which was comforting. Although, what that means is that very quickly the Machinima Series feels like it's a game without any actual gameplay. No, not like Heavy Rain.

1 system crash out of 5

Under the Dome: Season One (2013)

I am so very, very bored of 'edgy' US dramas, but I'm a huge fan of sci-fi and a sucker for a Stephen King adaptation despite their tendency to have a great build up and then fall flat on their ass in the latter half. Under the Dome bucks that trend by falling flat on its ass even earlier. It kills off the most interesting character in the first episode and leaves the chaff to pick up the slack, meaning that from episode two it drags its shitty heels through the corn.

It's (obviously) the story of a town trapped under a dome. What that means for the people within differs depending on their ability to cope with disaster, the unknown and the depravity of the secrets they want to keep hidden. Their focus is on getting out, but the story's focus is on exploring the inner aspects of each individual and the community as a whole.

It's an interesting premise and a great starting point from which to build something that branches out in many directions but remains centralised by circumstance. It's a shame the makers didn't capitalise on it well enough. Instead, they milk it like a weary tit until there's nothing left but to throw in arbitrary events that may or may not matter in the grand scheme of things. If they do matter, it's because someone decided they liked the idea and wrote something new, not because the core plot demanded it.

A medium sized cast of regular clichés keep you mildly irritated. There's the army veteran with a violent past; a hateful investigative reporter who pokes her nose up everyone's ass; an enthusiastic female police officer who's as thick as two planks nailed together; a semi-genius teenager; a shady politician that only has two emotional states; and a few others that I don't care to remember. None of them are the least bit interesting, but the cast is only a small part of the reason it's so tedious. The bullshit scenarios that are supposed to increase the tension are forced and unrealistic. The ease with which people give in to suggestion is laughable. The amateur acting (especially those kids) is painful to watch.

It cost approx $3 million dollars per episode to make. Just think about that for a minute. $3 million dollars! Christ knows how, why or where the money went.

13 episodes, approx 43 minutes each.

1½ cows out of 5

Masters of Horror: Series One: Volume Two (2006)

Volume Two of MoH contains the final six episodes of the first season. You can find information on Volume One HERE. As before, there may be a difference in running order between the R1 and R2 editions. I'm using the UK R2 editions. NA also got a full season box that included both volumes.

The first is by Dario Argento, adapted from a ten-page comic book story by Bruce Jones. It's about attraction, repulsion and the lengths some people will go to in order to sate their obsessions (or escape from them). — 1 out of 5 —

The second is by Tobe Hooper, adapted from a story by Richard Matheson, and stars Robert Englund! That's sure to be good, right? Nope. The fast editing and edgy in-camera effects rob it of any promise it could've held. — 1½ out of 5 —

The third is by Takashi Miike. What the fuck, Miike? It's the Japanese auteur doing what he does best. It contains some genuinely chilling imagery. It's also sadistic and will be deeply disturbing for some viewers. It loses half a point for not having the Japanese parts spoken in actual Japanese. — 4 out of 5 —

The fourth is by Larry Cohen, adapted from a short story by David Schow. It features a hitch-hiker, a trucker, and a slew of murder victims. Some nice camera movements punctuate the boredom but mostly it remains vapid. — 2½ out of 5 —

The fifth is by William Malone, an attempt to subvert the 'trapped in a basement' nightmare scenario by adding some reasoning to the whole affair. I think it could've worked well as a short story, but as a film, aside from the occasional surreal flashback, it’s mostly dull. — 1½ out of 5 —

The sixth is by John McNaughton, adapted from a Clive Barker short. It’s Haeckel's Tale, the story of a man of science and a necromancer. If not for the painfully disappointing ending it would be great. It doesn't try to reinvent the genre, but instead finds a different way of presenting it. — 3 out of 5 —

Like the previous volume, it’s the quality of the extras included (over 16 hours this time) that helps raise the overall score.

6 episodes approx 55 minutes each (345 minutes total), split over 6 discs.

3 resurrections out of 5

Copper (2013)

If you want the gloves to come off... so be it.

The gloves certainly do come off for season 2 of BBC America's period drama, but it is mostly to the show's detriment. The plot becomes cluttered and haphazard with too many plotlines and characters coming and going that nothing is ever finished. The first episode sets up one character as a terrorizing and fearless villain that could easily have been an interesting arc for Detective Corcoran to go against, but is then dropped by the end of the episode. This could have been a clever bait and switch, but clearly isn't as it happens about 3 more times over the course of the season like the writers got bored or distracted by something shiny and switch to something else at the drop of a hat with all the indecisiveness of a housecat deciding whether it wants to go outside or not. Interesting events that are part of the time period like disease outbreaks and opium addiction are set up as major defining moments and then discarded with no resolution and minimal effect on the main story arc. What resolution there is from season 1 is written off in a rather implausible way just to seemingly get back to the status quo of season 1 like the show-runners finally pulled themselves out of their cocaine and/or alcohol binge haze to notice the colossal mess they were making and tried to clean it up in the worst way.

When the show does get back to what it does best (vicious period drama crimes and character dialogue) there are glimmers of the entertaining show it once was, but it mostly tries to fill the void with extended gore and basic cable nudity. The plots set up aren't even bad per se, just muddled because they were all shoved together into a gelatinous mass instead of spreading it out and letting what worked play through to some sort of closure. All of it is then dropped at the end of the season for an unnecessary and shoehorned bit involving Lincoln's assassination that is cheesy and should really have had nothing to do with the rest of the show. The show comes back to end on a regular cliffhanger, but then it was cancelled making it one more unresolved moment to add to the pile. Donal Logue puts in a decent turn as a sleazy politician, even though despite his actual Irish heritage he seemed out of place at times and Alfre Woodard makes a brief cameo of sorts as a freed slave that was palatable, but could have been better. Though it was one of the few plot threads that actually had a full arc, so that's something. Overall nothing other than the set and wardrobe designers were really on point and what character drama there is to enjoy is not up to snuff for the bar the show set for itself in its first season.

Buyer's Guide:
Available on iTunes and Amazon Instant Video with a forthcoming DVD release.

2 Sympathetic anti heroes that aren't sympathetic out of 5

.hack//Legend of the Twilight (2003)

An anime adaptation of the Legend of the Twilight manga trilogy that you can read about here: Volume I // Volume II // Volume III. You’ll find there information on the background you'll need to fully appreciate the LotT world.

It starts out the same as the manga, but branches off into something different early on. It finds its way back and then shoots off again into places new. That's not necessarily a bad thing, because the manga was lacking excitement for a long time in the middle section - the anime isn't. I also enjoyed watching a story with characters I felt I knew well being taken in a different direction than the one I'd already experienced; the element of surprise was attached to every situation.

The relationship between the siblings is well-defined. The geographical distance between them is bridged by the game world, and their changing feelings for each other are still developing as the story begins.

The character designs are somewhere between chibi and normal. It's near impossible not to like them. However, even though it has the appearance of being suitable for younger viewers, it's not free from fan-service. The bizarre incestuous undertone in the manga is carried over.

The Japanese voices are excellent and suit the characters well. After I'd finished the final episode I went back and picked an episode at random to check out the English dub. There were a few voices I recognised, and while I may praise them elsewhere, they were very ill-suited to the characters of .hack. Sub beats dub.

12 episodes, approx 24 mins each. There's also a 13th episode that isn't a part of the main story; it's a comedy coda that throws up a few surprises.

3 red threads of fate out of 5

Wallace and Gromit's World of Invention (2010)

World of Invention is a science programme with short segments devoted to new inventions, both practical and whacky. It's like an updated Tomorrow's World but with claymation presenters alongside the human ones. At time of writing it's been three years since it was filmed, so some of the inventions may well have already gone into production (or the trash), but that shouldn't detract from the fun.

Wallace is the host. He's the guy with the desk. He introduces the science segments and is Wallace through and through; Peter Sallis knows what he's doing.
Gromit shuffles around in the background serving tea, and narrowly avoiding frequent death; it's business as usual for the pooch.

Each episode has a theme into which each invention fits, such as Nature, Flight, Safety, etc, meaning that each individual episode can be used as a supporting teaching aid for young viewers - you can entertain them while covertly teaching them stuff, without compromising on either aspect. If you're lucky, it'll inspire them to delve further. If you're unlucky, you'll be assaulted with a bevy of questions afterwards about things you know nothing about.

The science is split between cool stuff (jetpacks!) and practical stuff that will change the lives of people all over the world (e.g. a fridge for third world countries that needs no electricity to work). If you have any interest in science whatsoever there'll be something here that grabs you, no matter what age you are. Seriously, who doesn't want to see a fuel cell powered by dead flies?

6 episodes, approx 30 minutes each.

3 curiosity corners out of 5

Spartacus: War of the Damned (2013)

Spartacus... That is not my name.

The 3rd and final season of Starz's bloody and melodramatic retelling of the legendary Spartacus pulls no punches. The action is plentiful and still as over the top gory as viewers have come to expect from the series. The plot is also ramped up with a new and excellent antagonist in Marcus Crassus who is both extremely cunning and intelligent as well as having the resources to enforce his will however he sees fit. Unencumbered by the faults of past romans sent to kill Spartacus makes him a dangerous foe for Spartacus who also must deal with a fracturing of his army as well as the coming winter.

Knowing full well that this would be the last season of the show, the producers and crew spared no expense. Everything from the sets to choreography is much more polished and enhanced while the plot's stakes are raised. It still felt a little rushed given the limited 10 episodes and it's a shame it had to end just as all the actors finally seemed to find the characters and the original melodrama of the show was creeping ever closer to regular drama. The fast paced story and action though is exactly what the show has always delivered and more and won't disappoint fans.

Buyer's Guide:
Available now on DVD and Blu-ray box sets and on iTunes.

4½ History already spoiled it for you out of 5