Titus Season 3 (2001)

Horrible, heinous, brutal stuff happens to everyone. So if something tragic happens in your life, go ahead, take some time and grieve. *DING* Time's up! Movin' on.

Christopher Titus is working on regaining his reputation and getting his finances in order for his failing hot rod business. That is the overarching plot, but it is actually largely unimportant and mostly forgotten later in the season. The show continued with its dark subject matter, moving on to episodes focused on child abuse, murder, severe mental illness and hate crimes against LGBT. The latter actually won the show a GLAAD award since even though the characters were crass about it, it still put forth that gays deserve equal rights. Pretty radical stuff for 2001 TV. The latter half of the season is probably the best, both in laughs and subject matter as the severe mental illness of Titus' mother affects almost everything in the show. The black comedy was in fine form with hilarity mixed with a sincerity that comes from Titus having actually gone through real life situations that inspired the show.

The show was hitting a stride despite the networks' continued objections to the crude content that caused a few episodes to air out of order and mixed with a plot about a disturbance on a plane in THAT year caused a delayed airing that further threw the schedule out of whack and a meeting with executives that Christopher has talked about several times caused the show to be cancelled. As Titus puts it, "Call your boss an idiot enough times and they will fire you." The silver lining is the show went out before it became too formulaic like other shows that also have heavy use of cutaway jokes and flashbacks, but the theatrical play filming was still fairly unique. Like the other seasons, it can feel a little dated now, but still worth the time to watch.

Buyer's Guide:
Only available on out of print DVD box sets that at least have some decent extras.

4 taking out 4 armed guards with a pair of tweezers out of 5

Cilla (2014)

I was born in the decade after the swinging sixties had swung their last, so my experience of Cilla Black while growing up was primarily as the woman on TV who said “lorra lorra laughs,” and “…here’s our Graham with a quick reminder.” I knew her musically from having performed the emotionally stirring theme song to the film Alfie (1966), the UK version at least, but I knew nothing of how she rose from being a music fan to embracing fame as a singer, so watching 'Cilla' was a real eye-opener. It’s also damn good. It ought to be because it's from the same writer, producer and director team that made Mrs Biggs (2012).

It begins in 1960, Liverpool, the same year and location in which The Beatles formed. Cilla’s own evolution runs parallel to theirs and even overlaps on occasion. As you’d expect, almost everyone speaks in a Liverpudlian accent. The hard ‘g’ and ‘–ckk’ sounds are better performed by some of the cast than by others, but everyone is easily identifiable as being Scouse.

Cilla is played by Sheridan Smith. She’s not a dead ringer, but when topped with the famous red hair and outfitted in the correct period fashions she definitely looks the part. The aesthetic trappings could've been all for naught if the voice wasn't authentic. Thankfully, Sheridan can really sing. She performed all tracks live on set, in both of Cilla’s unique styles, and it’s genuinely superb. I’d link an example on YouTube but removing them from context wouldn't be a good idea.

While the miniseries is primarily about the titular character, she didn't make the journey alone. It’s also the story of the devoted Bobby Willis, who played a pivotal role, and to a lesser extent the record producer Brian Epstein.

Directly after viewing the final episode I went looking for clips of the real Cilla singing in the studio to see how Sheridan compared. Doing so was instrumental in my developing a new appreciation for Cilla's talents. I see her now first and foremost as an artist, whereas before it was as presenter of crap TV.

3 episodes, approx 45 minutes each.

4 edge of the step moments out of 5

Kingdom Hospital (2004)

aka Stephen King's Kingdom Hospital

American author Stephen King took Danish filmmaker Lars von Trier’s eight episode miniseries, Riget (1994), turned it into a thirteen episode English language series and relocated it to Lewiston, Maine. There's sure to have been many other changes too, but since I've not seen the original I can’t say what they are. Von Trier shares an executive producer credit, suggesting he was agreeable to the adaptation or at the very least happy to whore the concept out.

Peter Rickman, the person we’d traditionally most readily identify as the main protagonist, is admitted to the titular hospital after a serious accident. An accident, incidentally, that mimics King’s own hospitalisation almost verbatim; although I suspect the talking anteater is very much fiction. Peter is a painter, not an author, but his onscreen role is similar to King’s background role: both men help rewrite a story as it happens from a point that's both distant and crucially central. Even though he's a key player, perhaps even the most important one, he’s only one part of a larger whole, one small element in the daily workings of the institution.

The building is modern but has foundations that extend backwards in time to the Civil War era. Before it was a hospital it was something else entirely, and before it was a place of saving lives it was a place where many lives were lost. Yes, it’s the old 'I built new shit atop some old shit and now the ghosts won’t leave me alone,' scenario. Part of what makes it different is the aforementioned talking anteater. It’s CGI but it’s really rather good considering it’s a TV production.

The show's appalling camerawork, direction and oddly placed music made me hate it. If not for Diane Ladd’s character, self-professed psychic Sally Druse, and the mystery surrounding the little girl pictured on the cover (Jodelle Micah Ferland) I’d have given up long before the end. Things do start to get better by episode four, but there’s so much wasted potential that it’s a struggle to make it that far.

A large percentage of the many subplots serve little purpose other than to extend the running time or increase the level of weird. More effort to make them a valuable counterpoint to the core story would've helped tighten the narrative.

The highlight of the whole endeavour is the opening credits that resemble a Dave McKean and JK Potter-esque hybrid of imagery that does eventfully have some relevance even if it appears not to for the longest time.

13 episodes, approx 40 mins each (the first and last are double length).

2½ jonesing rats out of 5

The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy (1981)

THGttG is an adaptation of Douglas Adams’ most famous work and provides proof positive that you don’t need a huge budget to create entertaining television science fiction, you just need a really good script and a towel.

Somewhere there’s someone who hasn't seen it, heard it or read it (it was a radio play and a novel before being turned into a show), so a quick synopsis: it’s the tragic tale of a regular Joe who wakes one morning to find his house is to be bulldozed that very day. The Joe is named Arthur Dent. Unbeknownst to Arthur, that particular toe-stub is small change in the galactic sense of the word because high above Earth hangs a Vogon ship with an even more destructive intent.

The Hitchhiker's Guide itself contains information to educate the galactic traveller and help them steer relatively clear of danger, or at the very least avoid the kind of embarrassing faux pas that taints even their unborn grandchildren. When read aloud it’s accompanied by cheap illustrations that appear to have been created on a two slice toaster powered by a potato; they somehow won an award. The voice is actor and radio broadcaster Peter Jones because if you’re going to give a book a voice it better be a damn good one. Quite often scrolling text extrapolates or expands upon what the voice is telling us. If you want to read it all you’ll need to make use of the pause button. It might seem like a chore at first but it's well worth the small amount of effort required. Stop being unfathomably lazy.

Everything has a very British parlance, so expect dry humour, comedy cynicism and cups of tea. At times it resembles a less tangential version of Monty Python's Flying Circus, particularly the episode which takes place at the restaurant.

If you're too busy to sit and watch a TV show, the radio play is equally as good and provides much the same experience minus the visuals, obviously.

6 episodes, approx 30 minutes each.

4 strange coincidences out of 5

When Games Attack (2004–05)

I was excited to see Dominick Diamond in another video games review show, because GamesMaster (1992-98) had been so good, but the excitement was short-lived. When Games Attack was a bit of a turd. If it was a gaming peripheral it would be a Virtual Boy or a Nintendo Power Glove—a used one!

It was a Gamer.tv production for the cable/satellite channel Bravo. Bravo was a kind of schizophrenic entity; it had a large roster of quality series from yesteryear that I could watch all day long, but its original content was made up of shows that seemed to have an alternative universe King Midas handling them, turning them not to gold but to shit. What's worse is that much of their output was targeted primarily at the kind of people that would routinely browse the top shelf of a magazine rack but leave instead with a copy of FHM or Loaded. If you have friends like that get them to seek help, forthwith.

It stuck to a rigid formula each week. Dom, rounder of face and paunchier, much like myself, indulged his passion for all things football by having a large portion of each episode dedicated to an ongoing footy game tournament. I'm not a fan of the sport in any form, so could skip that part without remorse.

'Behind the Game’ did what it claimed, giving information on the inspiration, development and release of a specific game, both retro and modern.

A weekly Top 5, such as Most Pathetic Games or Crappiest Game Plot, seemingly researched by juggling ducks, was stretched out over the running time.

Queeny and Cugly, a parody of Sooty and Sweep style puppets, would pit two similar games against each other. It was a disaster.

Perhaps the worst feature of all was a semi-regular rhythm game section where glamour models, I'm guessing on loan from the likes of the aforementioned magazines, bounced around amateurishly while lecherous commentary made the fiasco even more unbearable, if that's possible.

And finally, although sometimes outside the games-related remit, the on-location features hosted by either Dom or Caroline Flack were occasionally fun.

20 episodes, approx 25 mins each.

2½ letters of dubious origin out of 5

Star Trek: The Next Generation: Season 5 (1991-92)

Amid the twenty-fourth century problems tackled—coolant leaks, transporter malfunctions, stubborn settlers on other planets, etc—are a large number of issues and moral dilemmas that affect people of all eras, meaning the show continued to be both universal and timeless. One of the most successful was an exploration of gender and attraction that the sci-fi genre is well-equipped to deal with.

It’s perhaps a coincidence, but more than any of the preceding seasons there are episodes centred around or featuring children: there’s a birth, an orphan, an imaginary friend, more than one single parent story, and an episode in which Picard has to deal with a trio of kids all by himself. The later isn't a particularly memorable episode in itself, but it highlights how funny the Captain could be when allowed to step down from the pedestal of seriousness. Speaking of Picard, he gets a stylish new coat that no one else gets - the perks of captaincy!

Standout episodes include the fan-favourites I Borg, which starts out slow but gets better and better, and Cause and Effect, an old idea made to fit the Trek mould. I would add The Inner Light to that list, too, because despite its flaws I love the idea.

Elsewhere, a new semi-recurring character is introduced and quickly becomes a pain in everyone’s ass; she’s like a prototype Kira Nerys (DS9). There’s an Irwin Allen style disaster movie story that should’ve felt even more perilous because of the environment, but somehow doesn't.

As is customary by this stage, the last episode is the first part of a two-parter that isn't resolved until the beginning of Season 6.

On a sadder note, it was during the production of Season 5 that Trek creator Gene Roddenberry really did go into the final frontier; he died on 24th October ’91. :-(

26 episodes, approx 44 minutes each.

4 frequently exploited subspace distortions out of 5

The Day of the Triffids (2009)

The BBC had successfully made a more faithful adaptation of John Wyndham’s excellent Triffids novel (1951) almost three decades before (1981), so they can be forgiven for straying from the path a second time around. The same thing with better production values might appeal to people allergic to the past, but it would be largely pointless from a creative perspective. What they did instead was team up with a Canadian production company, set the story in modern era Britain while somehow eliminating any real sense that it's actually British, and then foolishly shift much of the underlying focus away from Wyndham’s original intent.

Leaving aside the deviation, it was made at a time when the channel was trying hard to keep up with stylistic trends set by the kinds of US TV shows that were screening almost unceasingly on rival channels. Auntie wanted a piece of that audience, so they began to employ ‘edgy’ filming techniques that can be summarised as wobbly, handheld sickness. The most infuriating trend was the use of quick zooms in scenes that didn't require any such thing, scenes in which there’s nothing of importance to highlight. It’s as if a toddler has gotten hold of an expensive video camera and discovered buttons for the first time.

Making what’s essentially a walking carnivorous plant appear scary would be no easy task, but the Triffids are really quite good and believably frightening. The music does much of the work, but it helps that they tower over the humans by a few feet or more and have an extended reach. With skill and some luck it would be possible to outrun one, but when they shuffle around in packs like hoodies at a mall then escape becomes more a wild dance of defiance for most victims.

Comedian Eddie Izzard is cast in a serious role. He does a decent job despite his character being written as nothing more than a dozen clichés personified.

2 episodes, approx 90 minutes each. Episode 02 has some of the best individual scenes but is the weakest and most infuriating half overall.

2½ reaction tests out of 5